Homosexuality, Marriage, Family, and the Truth: What Would Love Really Do?

05 Jun

at Catholic Online

It seems my choices these days are either: 1. Celebrate homosexuality or be a homophobe. 2. Support the “right” of two men/two women to marry, or be a hateful bigot. 3. “Do unto others…” or be a hypocrite.

Loving my neighbor seems to have gotten a whole lot trickier.

Just how the heck am I supposed to love someone who demands something I cannot give? How do you love the person who requires you to celebrate their sin or be punished? How do you love the neighbor you must engage in the battle for our culture? How do you love the person whose lifestyle you must actively oppose for the sake of protecting what’s right?

It’s a good question. WWLD? (What would love do?) And what is love, anyway? What does love have to do with all of this? Everything. Just not what you might think.

Mr. Obama now says his opinions about marriage have “evolved” as dictated by his Christian faith and the Golden Rule, and no longer can he deny same-sex couples the “right” to marry. See that? In one fell swoop the President, in his infinite wisdom, decreed that all of human history, the Natural law, and the revealed moral law are suddenly contrary to Christian love. He has determined what “love” really means, and no one can honorably disagree any longer.

I disagree anyway.

St. Thomas Aquinas said: “Love is wanting the good of the other, as other.” Love can never want what is bad for the other. What is good for the other? The truth. “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.” Not the popular truth, or the current truth; not the truth that makes everyone feel good, or the sentimental truth; not the truth that makes people happy and gives them what they want, but the real truth.

There’s such a thing as objective truth and it comes from a perfect and unchanging God. Love tells the objective truth. It does so as patiently and gently as possible, but it does so without flinching. Love does not apologize for the truth. Love will not amend the truth in order to spare someone’s feelings.

The sentiment in America today says that love is all about “equality”. If I love this or that person, I will make sure they have all the same rights I have. I will not deny them what they desire, because that would be discriminatory and mean. (The exception to this, of course, is the child in the womb. That person must never be granted equality or any rights whatsoever!)

So now if I really love my neighbor, I will support same-sex “marriage” and stop denying homosexuals the “equality” they are supposedly entitled to. If I continue to oppose same-sex “marriage” then I must not love my neighbor; I’m a hateful bigot, and I’m ignoring the only thing Jesus ever said — “Don’t judge.”

Love has been reduced to tolerance, and tolerance has been warped to mean embracing everything and opposing nothing. But love that has discarded the truth is not love at all. It is sinking, mindless, sentimental mush.

WDJS? (What did Jesus say?)

At times I’ve thought it would have been nice if Jesus, at some point in His three years of teaching, had stood on a hillside and proclaimed, “Amen, I say to you, homosexual sex is a sin. Two men cannot marry each other; two women cannot marry each other. Marriage shall be a covenant only between a man and a woman. Anything else, I tell you, is wrong and you shall not do it.” Or something like that.

At least then we could move past the “Jesus never said homosexual sex is sinful” argument. But He didn’t explicitly say those words. Does that mean Jesus is okay with homosexual sex and same-sex “marriage”? Hardly.

The same challenge is issued regarding abortion. “When did Jesus ever say abortion was wrong?” Well, in so many words, He didn’t. Are we to conclude that He had no opinion, or that He would say women have a “right” to abortion? Not so fast.

It’s a grave mistake, and usually a self-serving manipulation, to say that Jesus’ spoken words are the sum total of His teaching and the sole barometer for determining right and wrong. Jesus is The Word. His coming into this world speaks volumes about the will of God and the blessing of God and what God considers holy and right.

He did not descend from heaven a grown man (though He certainly could have), but God the Father sent His Son to be born of a woman. He began His earthly life unseen in Mary’s womb. He grew in exactly the same manner that each of us grew. He took on our humanity from its very single-celled beginning and declared it holy by virtue of His holiness. Though Jesus had not uttered a word, yet He taught us that the life in the womb is sacred and human from the moment of conception.

He was born into a family. If God the Father had chosen, Jesus could have been born to an unmarried woman, or He could have been left as a baby to be found and raised by two men or two women. God is purposeful and precise in all His ways. It is not an accident that God gave His Son into a family: husband and wife, father and mother. This again is a deafening statement on the significance and primacy of the family. God does not violate His own standards or His own laws. Children are the fruit of marriage. By His coming and His birth and His life, Jesus proclaims the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman which forms the only proper foundation of the human family.

Without saying a word, He testifies to the Natural law, the plan for the human person, the holiness of human sexuality, the sanctity of life in the womb, and the nature of marriage.

It’s also significant that when Jesus wanted to shake things up, He didn’t abolish the moral law and say that this thing that used to be sinful isn’t sinful anymore — no, He actually tightened the moral law by upping the ante. So, you say adultery is a sin? Well guess what — I’m saying that if you even look at a woman lustfully you’ve committed adultery in your heart! You’ve heard, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy’, but I tell you to love your enemy! You say you can give a certificate of divorce and all is well? Well, I say anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery!

No ambiguity there! He plainly reminded the people, God “created them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one.’ So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together let no man put asunder.” (Matt 19: 4-6)

You know, come to think of it, that sounds an awful lot like a declaration from Jesus that marriage only exists between a man and a woman. Huh.

The truth is that God does not and cannot join together two men or two women in marriage because He created woman for man and man for woman. That’s how He designed it, and we have neither the power nor the authority to alter His design. That is so plainly obvious, it’s absurd that suddenly saying so out loud qualifies me for the label of Hateful Bigot.


I love the truth. I also desire to love my neighbor. If loving my neighbor is determined by my willingness to discard what I believe is true, then I will surely come up short. And I’m okay with that. I reject the new prevailing definition of charity.

Love is not capitulation to someone else’s wants in order not to offend them. Love bears all things, but it does not include all things. Love does not take bitter for sweet and it certainly does not call evil good. Contrary to current thinking, love does not treat all things equally.

Love cannot contradict God. Since God does not change His mind about sin, I cannot love my neighbor by telling him a particular sin is now magically okay. Sin never evolves into something righteous. And here’s the thing — homosexual sex isn’t really a “special” sin. It doesn’t require more of Christ’s blood than the sins of murder, adultery, stealing, or lying, for instance. It is noteworthy because it involves a peculiar distortion of human sexuality, and a disordered expression of the sexual love that is the prerogative of marriage. That’s what makes it so harmful to the human person.

Loving the truth does not mean I hate you. I do hate the rising conflict and cultural upheaval being forced on us right now. I do hate that human society as it’s always been is under threat of dismantling in order to create a new order based not on objective truth or right reason or the common good, but only upon individual wants and “evolving” rights.

I hate the damage being wrought on the family by homosexual activists who want to redefine marriage and sexuality for generations to come; by bullying activists and politicians who want to silence the Church and silence me, and set themselves up as the new moral authority.

I hate the perverse, insidious thinking that says human sexuality is a spectrum reality for people; that gender is some kind of fluid condition or continuum we travel, morphing as we go.

Come what may, I have no choice but to oppose with all my might the redefinition of marriage and the normalization of homosexual sex. I won’t go quietly into this strange new world where marriage and human sexuality look like the twisted images of a carnival house of mirrors. Love won’t let me do that.


Posted by on June 5, 2012 in Uncategorized


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7 responses to “Homosexuality, Marriage, Family, and the Truth: What Would Love Really Do?

  1. Edwin Reffell

    April 12, 2013 at 4:33 AM

    The real problem is that instead of us harmonising our God-given sexuality in our lives we are misled to believe we have to let it control and dominate us. That slavery is our “right”. That the Church by her teaching asks us to be abstinent or continent or wait and be in control of our sexuality is abhorred as “unnatural”. This is a worldwide problem, not just in America. Homosexuals think marriage would help with the problem of widespread promiscuity in finding a permanent partner of their infatuation. I wonder if it would. In some countries homosexuals who choose to live together as permanent partners without marriage can register their relationship civilly and are treated the same as heterosexuals choosing the same situation. Therefore I do not understand why they want marriage. If God wishes to bless their relationship He will do so. The Church loves all people including homosexuals and has proved it in for example Catholic institutions that lovingly care for people with terminal aids regardless of the orientation they have chosen.

  2. s.l.b

    August 2, 2012 at 12:13 PM

    I’ve grown up in a family with two missionaries as parents, who highly oppose gay marriage and the like, but you can’t tell someone they’re not allowed to do something and THEN explain why it’s wrong. You have to let the Holy Spirit do the work and try to direct them to the right path no matter what their situation is, instead of saying “Oh it’s obviously wrong and you’re sinning so stop it.” Just suffer with them. Develop a connection with them and they’ll hopefully develop a connection with God through you. Also, homosexuality isn’t just an “act sin” like lying or stealing- it’s highly internal and many times takes years to get through, even for Christians who have grown up in a Christian household and maintained their faith. In any case, whether or not you agree with gay marriage, there’s really nothing you can do to mix the Constitution with your faith. This country was founded on the idea that people are free to believe what they would like, and no one should mix their religion with US law. (Many of the Founding Fathers were /not/ Christian and the “under God” of the pledge was added on later, etc etc.) Whether or not you can bring yourself to accept homosexual acts, if you want to deny someone their basic right to marry then leave the United States. It’s as simple as that. Also, have you ever wondered why your disgust only applies to these acts and not all sins? After all, Americans have the right to inhale tobacco and destroy their lungs, harming their Temple; why are you okay with that right and not okay with this one? The passivity most Christians have with the law on smoking is the kind of passivity they must have with other laws that are inherently “pagan” or not Christian; your faith and US law should be separate. Maybe this way, you may even shine brighter than the rest.

    I’ll end by saying this: to help someone, you don’t tell them what they can’t do. To guide someone, you don’t push them onto a certain path. And to love someone, you don’t deny them what the world is telling them is their right. You simply shine as God’s light the best you can and offer an open hand.

  3. John Tran

    June 15, 2012 at 11:15 PM

    Jennifer is a clear and articulated writer and right on target.
    The Church affirms with tradition that Homosexual acts are instrinsically disordered. And according to Scripture, homosexual acts are acts of grave depravity. But Homosexual persons are human; they must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity (CC #2358). I have to counsel a young woman who has revealed to her family that she is a lesbian, and she says she wants to have a “romantic” relationship like every other boy or girl. She just wants to have a lover like her sister who is having a male-fiancé. And she asks, “Why am I not allowed to have a lover?” “Why am I not allowed to have an intimate relationship with a woman I love? The Church acknowledges that this homosexual inclination is a “trial.” How can we help the homosexual persons to deal with this “trial”? Same sex marriage is not the answer. It will never be approved and accepted in the Catholic Church. But we need to have a system to support our brothers and sisters who are facing this “trial.” Does anyone have a suggestion?

  4. Caroline

    June 6, 2012 at 8:04 PM

    Thank you for this article. I agree that the main point that should be made is that it is unloving to deny or distort the truth. I also strongly believe that we all need to be seriously concerned about the effect that this may have on children. I think that adoption rights are one of the main reasons pro-homosexual groups are now demanding legalized marriage. Placing innocent children in same sex marriage homes would be a risky social experiment. Also, there would be profound changes in what all children in public schools would be taught if gay marriage becomes legalized and therefore “normal”.

  5. Susy

    June 6, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    There are a lot of us out here that agree with everything you have said in your article. Thank you for writing it. I have indeed been feeling bullied and manipulated by all the pro homosexual marriage stuff in the mainstream press. I just haven’t known what to do about it yet on a practical level. All the best.

  6. everythingcatholic

    June 6, 2012 at 7:46 AM

    The fact that Obama has come and declared for himself and for all other christians (as far as he is concerned) goes to show the problem with sola scriptura. Everyone making themselves Pope as they interpret the Bible without guidance from the Church founded by Christ.

    Not to mention the good book also tells us “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).

    I fail to see how a so called christian can state the case for homosexuality.

    I love your quote from St. Thomas Aquinas. I think it really sums up, where so called christians like Obama are wrong.

  7. angel croyle

    June 6, 2012 at 1:23 AM

    Love this article!!!


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